When we lost our baby in January of 2005, and subsequently, in
talking with other grieving parents, we became aware that many
churches have neither the resources nor the ministry model in place
to deal with the specific needs of infant loss due to miscarriage,
stillbirth or neonatal death.
The loss of a child can put one’s faith into a tailspin. If one does
not have a personal relationship with God or never gave much
thought to life after death, suddenly the philosophical becomes
personal. This is a time of great vulnerability, and so great care
must be taken not to injure the already wounded souls of bereaved parents.
Based on input from several women on a grief support site,
SilentGrief.com and our own experiences, we’ve compiled several
suggestions for a ministry model. We would encourage you to give
great thought to this area of ministry.
1/Make a pastoral visit
2/Provide resources, such as a booklet with appropriate scripture references, resources, and a note of sympathy,
(We offer a suitable resource on this website, see below)
3/Offer of meals, and/or other assistance as needed
4/Offer of linking with another mom who has suffered similar loss
5/Written mention of baby's loss including baby's name, (if parents have picked one out), in bulletin or prayer bulletin (if church uses them.) Encourage parents to name their baby. In many cases, it does help to bring closure and a sense of validity to their baby’s life.
6/Ask to follow up in 2 weeks and then do so!
7/Ask if they would like a memorial service of any kind
8/Hug them
9/Pray with them
10/Cry with them
11/Don't worry if you don't know what to say - sometimes there just are no words.
12/Consider a small memorial gift such as baby booties, a teddy bear, or little blanket
13/Send flowers, (if your church would usually send them upon the death of a child.)
14/Send a sympathy card
Not all families will need all these suggestions, but if the offer is made, the family is assured of your care and availability. Remember, too, that a family that is 'managing just fine' the day after a death, may be in great need just a few days later. Stay connected with them. Walk with them through 'the valley of the shadow of death', and reassure them that the Lord walks with them, too.
Many of the resource sites listed on the Links page also have
Clergy resources.
Thank you,
Cynthia & Heinz Dschankilic BThH
Memorial Booklet Offer
These booklets are available for a nominal fee
for use in your local ministry.
Cost for 2 booklets is $5; 10 booklets are $20.
Please email for quotes on larger quantities.
This 12 page booklet contains Scripture verses to comfort and
reassure families of God's love for both them and their baby. I
have also written a personal note to families who have
experienced infant loss. A brief description of the Stages of
Grieving is included, as well as the poem, A Butterfly Lights
Beside Us. Several internet resources for grief support and
memorial items are also listed.
One of the painful aspects about infant Ioss is that one often has
so few mementos of one's dear baby. This booklet provides a
keepsake with genuine comfort within. Usually, the last thing a
grieving and weary soul feels like doing is an exhaustive Bible
study. The scriptures are all broken down by topic as they pertain to
our little ones and God's love for us, such as, "God sees our
little ones before they are born - He knows them intimately" and
"God understands grief and wants to comfort you"
|
